Heaven's Child

It could have all been over by now. The last strum would have rung out days ago, a ghost I would have become. Those songs would have been sealed as the only ones, with no new additions to follow, which is also the case for the words and thoughts and everything else we do in the course of our lives that has meaning. It was hard not to think about it, not to feel grateful to be drawing breath. To think of the things and people that had shaped my short existence. To think about the causes of my happiness and sorrow.

My family, my natural one, the one I have little contact from, let alone ever see, would have been as far as they'd ever been. They would have heard the news of heaven's child and felt whatever they would have felt. The silent ones would have contemplated their silence and felt it had been necessary or felt true guilt and regret. Life is too short for that, but some live as though they have no sense of others around them, no sense of even understanding the simplicity of mortality. Of so many others facets of human nature. Of sharing, of loving, of not succumbing to all those temptations and selling something to the devil down at the crossroads.

I would have translated into another one of the lost bodies, soul swimming toward freedom. I could have seen the lights like never before, evolved into some haunting memory for some, casting a shadow on their days, though I doubt it would even be possible really. To think of it as over, this life as we know it, as I experience it. To ponder what lies beyond, over the fence, up those heavenly stairs. I am you and we are all the things that know no limits. I will never abandon you as you did me, I will simply carry a weight, needless and glowing. I am all the things you never could be, a heart that nearly stopped beating that would have lived long beyond your own ticking bomb.

To those who show their true selves the remaining body and soul pulsates to your names. The utterance of the nearness to tragedy reveals genuine emotion. I can only ponder what it would have been like afterwards, for now. I can only give thanks, and feel blessed. Heaven's child will arrive eventually, but for now it can wait. All those notes and words and love, it can all continue to erupt, like the volcano, for days and time to come. I can't avoid the thoughts though, the endless stream of thoughts of what might have been...